Silent Night
by GeorginoschkaVincen
Summary: They just wanted to celebrate their anniversary... But everything didn t went as well as they had hoped.  For NSou s mini contest :


First: This is a fanfic for NSou´s mini contest ( look at Deviantart ) :)

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><p><strong>Silent Night<strong>

It should have been one of the nice days ..One of these days that you would love to remember. It wasn´t such a day.

Actually this day was one of the worst day that he could remember.

And the worst thing of all was, that it was his fault...

_.." This will be the best anniversary ever!"_

_" Uhm, you know, it is only our first one.."_

_" Yes,I know !" Iruka grinned and threw his shoes aside " But it will be the best."_

_Kakashi sighed and rubbed the back of his head, smiling lightly " Huh, I guess ..If you say so."_

_Iruka rolled his eyes and walked into the kitchen . Kakashi watched him silently while Iruka said something about flowers and ..cake?_

_Kakashi knew that his news would ruin the mood. It would ruin the day and everything . How was he supposed to tell Iruka that he wouldn´t be there? That he couldn´t celebrate Iruka´s and his one-year-anniversary?_

_Kakashi took a deep breath and massaged his temples . Iruka would hate him,no ,worse, he would kill him. Now that he thought about it, maybe dying wasn´t as bad as a life without Iruka... " Kakashi,are you listening to me?" _

_Kakashi flinched slightly as he heard Iruka´s voice " Ah,sorry,I was...distracted"_

_A sigh was heard out of the kitchen " I said I have to go back and buy a cream. We don´t have any."_

_Kakashi´s guilt grew. He should say something, he shouldn´t lie to Iruka. Iruka was his boyfriend after all, he would understand this,right?...Right.. _

_Iruka walked to his shoes, humming a song . Kakashi cleared his throat and slowly walked up to him " Iruka.. There is something that you might should know.." Iruka , who was about to put on his vest, looked up " Yeah, sure. What is it?"_

_Kakashi tried to look him into the eyes but he couldn´t because he didn´t want to see the disappointment in Iruka´s brown eyes , so he looked at his hands instead into Iruka´s eyes " Well...You know.. About our anniversary day..." he cleared his throat again " Well..Tsunade talked to me and ..I have a mission today... And she said I won´t be back in four days..." he slowly looked up and it nealry broke his heart._

_Iruka stared at him in disbelieve and slowly shook his head " No..Nonono,you said we would celebrate it ! You´ve promised me !"_

_Kakashi bit his lower lip and tried to calm Iruka down " I know Iruka, I know ! But..Tsunade said it is important and maybe I´ll manage to come back to our anniversary..." he trailed off. _

_" OUR anniversary is in TWO FUCKING DAYS!" Iruka grabbed his hair and angrily pulled at it " How could you agree Kakashi ! You KNEW that we wanted to celebrate it ! Why did you agree,damn it !"_

_" I´m sorry !" Kakashi tried to grab Iruka´s hands but Iruka pulled them away " That is all you have to say? I´m sorry? What is about the time that we decided to have for us ! God damn it ! What was about Christmas? About Valentines day? About my birthday? About your OWN birthday? You´re always on a mission Kakashi,always !"_

_Kakashi rubbed his forehead . He knew that Iruka was right and he knew that Iruka was really angry. Damn, of course he was! Kakashi could understand him very well but.." I know that you´re angry..But I´m a shinobi. I have to follow the orders of our Hogake, I have to protect the village , to do orders..."_

_Iruka laughed dryly and turned away " You always say that Kakashi ! The village, the village ,the Hogake, your duty, ALWAYS! You always live for the village and your duties , you risk your live for it , but you don´t have a single day for me ! Do you only live for the village ! Don´t you love me ,Kakashi ? I thought WE were together, not YOU and the VILLAGE!" Iruka was angry, really really angry. _

_Kakashi didn´t know how to calm him down. Every of his words seemed to make it worse. His hands trembled slighty and he tried to clear his mind " Iruka.." he said calmly " Of course I love you. I love you more than anything else, but...I´m sorry, but this is my work. This is my job, I have to do this. Sometimes I have to work even if I don´t want to and-" Iruka cut him off " Hah, so it is your work to die?"_

_Silence filled the room, Iruka was staring at Kakashi ,and Kakashi met his gaze with his single grey eye " Well...Yes. It is." he said this with a cold voice but he didn´t meant to. Iruka shook his head , his eyes were closed " I see..." he said, surprisingly calm " Then go."_

_Kakashi furrowed his brow in confusion. Iruka did agree? " What do you-" _

_" I said you should GO!" Iruka opened his tear-filled eyes " GO and DIE for your beloved village ! GO and DIE while I cry silently ! GO and fucking LEAVE me ALONE on our FUCKING anniversary! It doesn´t matter ! Really ! Just leave me alone and never come back !"_

_Kakashi blinked in surprise. No, No he didn´t meant to hurt Iruka that badly ! He hadn´t known that this anniversary was so precious to Iruka ! Again he reached for Irukas hands, again Iruka pulled them away . And then he said them, the words that hurt Kakashi more than anything else he had heard in his life._

_" I HATE you ! I hate you Kakashi, I hate you !" _

_Iruka took a deep breath and began to sob silently . He didn´t look at Kakashi again, nor did he say anything. He just cried silently. He didn´t see Kakashi´s hurt expression, nor did he hear him leave. But then , when felt the wind on his skin and looked up, he knew that Kakashi had gone. And suddenly he regret it. Everything he said ,all those mean words..._

_" Kakashi!" he stormed up to the window, looked out ,tried to find the silver hair in the crowd of people...But there was non. No Kakashi. No Kakashi... More tears began to fall down Iruka´s face . Tears of sorrow and anger._

_" Idiot.." Iruka leaned back against the wall and slumped down " Idiot ! "_

...

It was their anniversary , it supposed to be a nice day. A day full of laughter , full of joy.. And now?

_Look where we are_...Iruka sat at the wall, his head rested on his knees , _look where we are now, Kakashi..._

There,at the window ! Iruka´s gaze widened but then he closed his eyes again. There was no Kakashi..Not today..Never again..It was just his imagination..And still.. Still, even if he knew that Kakashi wouldn´t come back, the window was open.

He felt incredible lonley. He hadn´t meant to yell at Kakashi, not like this. Of course , they often had a disagreement , a little fight.. Often it was Iruka who began to yell, just because he wasn´t a emotionless rock as Kakashi sometimes was. Iruka always had been a bit...too emotional..But this time, this time he had been too angry.

Iruka tightened his grip around his knees " Sorry.." he whispered " I´m sorry.."...

...Kakashi soundlessly jumped through the window. It was the window which led into Iruka´s and his bed-room. His chest did hurt, he had run all the way home. And yet, still he was to late. It was already late at night. The anniversary was over.

_Seems like I´m always late_... he thought and smiled sadly. He walked along the room, not looking at the pictures of him and Iruka. It would hurt to much to look at them.

When he walked into the kitchen the first thing he saw was the full mug of tea. It was fresh tea, it was steaming and the water of the water-tap still dripped into the sink. Kakashi watched the water drip into the sink and ask himself if he did the right thing. Maybe Iruka didn´t want to see him again, of course he wouldn´t..

He reacted instinctively when he heard someone approaching him. One swift movement, one look and he knew who it was. " Iruka,it´s me !" he hastily pulled down his mask and raised his hand conciliatory .

Iruka stopped the attempt to kill him with his kunai and looked at him with cold eyes. Kakashi almost thought everything was alright when Iruka suddenly raised the kunai and aimed it at Kakashi. First he didn´t say a word but then the tears started to fall down his face and his expression became angry. _Of course_, Kakashi thought sadly, _how could I believe that he would forgive me?_

He reached for Iruka´s hand and pointed the kunai directly at his own throat " That´s right." he said calmly " Aim it right here." .._because I´m not worth living anymore? Because you hate me.. Because I hate myself? Because I can´t live without your love.._ Iruka looked up at him, disbelieve and confusion in his gaze.

" Do it." Kakashi said and sounded tried " If it´s it satisfies your anger..." Iruka opened his mouth but didn´t say anything. Maybe he didn´t knew what to say. The kunai fell to the floor with a soft thud. Kakashi didn´t know what to say, maybe he shouldn´t say anything. It was alright..

" Idiot !" new tears began to stream down Iruka´s face and he stormed forward and hugged Kakashi. Kakashi stayed still for one moment , just enjoying the embrace, but then he leaned away and looked at Iruka " I´m sorry." he said and closed his single gray eye." I know..I´m to late but.." he coughed and broke the embrace.

Iruka watched him silently while Kakashi reached into his pouch and took out a single flower." I know, it isn´t much..And nothing really special..But I hope you like it." Iruka took the single flower and stared at it as if it was something he had never seen in his life. It was a white flower, pure white , and it seemed to glow in the pale moonlight , which shone through the kitchen window.

Iruka looked up " Kakashi.." he said, not knowing what to say . All his anger was gone " I´m...Thank you!" he was about to embrace Kakashi again when he noticed something.

" Kakashi, you're bleeding !" Kakashi blinked and looked down . Iruka was right, his right side was full of blood , again. _Damn it_, he thought , _the wound must have been deeper than I have expected.._

Iruka seemed to panic , his eyes were wide open " We have to go to the hospital ! Why didn´t you walk slowly ! Damn, idiot ! Do you have more injuries?"

And suddenly it all was like before. He , injured from a mission, Iruka,worried about him. Again it was like nothing had happened. Maybe it was okay this way. Yes, it was okay this way. But still Kakashi wished he hadn´t agreed to the order. Still he wished he could have spent the day with Iruka...His Iruka..

"It´s okay, Iruka." he said calmly. Yes ,it was okay, now that he knew that Iruka could forgive him..The next anniversary would be great, yes, they would celebrate it together, no missions, no orders, just them both..

" Kakashi !"

Kakashi blinked and realized that his vision blurred slightly. " Heh, it´s alright, really." he smiled and coughed again. Poison,maybe? Maybe,yes..

" Kakashi, stay focused!" That was the last thing he heard . The last thing he saw was Iruka´s worried face.

Then everything went black.

...

He awoke in the hospital. The hospital, of course. When was there a mission when he didn´t had to go there? He couldn´t remember..

" Kakashi?" Kakashi blinked and turened his head to the side. Iruka looked at him, worried . Kakashi tried to smile but found that it was very hard so he just nodded slowly. His throat felt dry and he was tired. " God,I´m so glad.." Iruka was about to cry, Kakashi could see that.

Hah, his Iruka,always crying. Iruka grabbed his hand and held it while he fought the tears " You are such an idiot ! Do you know how close ..." he cleared his throat, clearly fighting back his tears " You nearly died, idiot ! You chakra was so low that they thought you might die ! And that wound ! How could you run with that wound ! Do you know how much blood.." he trailed off and sobbed. Now the tears ran down his face and he cursed " Damn, I didn´t want to cry..." he mumbled.

Kakashi chuckled but stopped it immediately because his chest hurt . Iruka sighed and closed his eyes " Kakashi.." he shook his head " You said you´re sorry but.." Iruka opened his eyes and smiled sadly " I´m the one who has to apologize..."

Kakashi watched Iruka , then he squeezed Iruka´s hand slightly and managed to grin " You know.." he said, his voice hoarse " Maybe.. we are both idiots?.."

Iruka laughed and rubbed the back of his head " Haha,yeah...Looks like that.."


End file.
